Relationships and Sex

November 28, 2010

If you have an ostomy or are facing having ostomy surgery in the future and you are worried that the dating or sexual part of your life will be nonexistent because of it, DO NOT think that way! Trust me, if you have a positive attitude and you accept yourself for who you are, the right partner will not care about your ostomy. There are nonjudgmental people out there who will love you and be attracted to you like you deserve.

I was never one to be involved with the dating scene before my surgery, because I was so sick all of the time with Crohn’s disease. My first two relationships were with guys I had already been friends with for a while, but ultimately they didn’t work out for one reason or another. Eventually though, I got so sick that I needed to get ostomy surgery. At this point in my life, I was single. Naturally, I was worried about how I could ever meet a guy and tell him about my ostomy.

Well, less than a year after surgery, I was able to date someone, tell them about my ostomy, get asked to be in a steady relationship with that person, and have a sexual relationship with that person. My attitude towards my ostomy was that it made me feel like a healthy, happy person and that it was no big deal, so his reaction was also that it was a good thing and no big deal.

Of course, after I told him, I was still worried about the sexual aspect. I was unsure if he had completely understood me since he had never heard of an ileostomy before I told him, but he reassured me that he did. I was excited to start a sexual relationship though, and I was completely comfortable with my own body, so we just got to that point like a normal couple. I made sure the ostomy was empty first, and I put a hand over it when it seemed necessary. I didn’t use any fancy covers or anything like that. My ostomy is now a part of my naked body, and I feel that it should be accepted as such.

I have to reiterate that this is my experience *less than a year after surgery!* It may not work like that for everyone, just as it wouldn’t work like that for everyone without an ostomy, but the surgery is not a reason to stop trying. The ostomy is not a reason to give up on love or on anything in life. You can do anything you want, so don’t be afraid to get out there and do it!

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2 Responses to “Relationships and Sex”

  1. Anonymous said

    I sure could use some of your wisdom. Could you email me if you have time?

  2. […] Also, this could all be bullshit. I don’t know so why not think of it as an experiment? Don’t be afraid of your stoma, talk about it. Try different techniques with different people, poll your friends, do whatever that will make you feel comfortable because in the end that is what is going to matter the most. If you’re freakin out about it, you’re never going to nab a great chick to nail, she will see through your fake confidence. Here is a take on dating and ostomies from Piper. […]

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